This was sent to me this morning and I thought it was worthy to post…
The Borrower: Always takes things from your desk, and you never see them again.
The Groper: Always finds a way to put a hand on your shoulder or brush against you in meetings.
The Close-talker: If she gets any closer you’d be making out.
The Fridge Foe: Better put a lock on that sandwich or else he’ll steal it.
The Loud Speaker: Hasn’t mastered the “inside voice” and talks so loud on the phone that you, too, have to live through all his personal and professional drama.
The Slow Joe: Takes an hour to explain something that should take a minute.
The Nervous Nelly: Twists her hair into dreadlocks, incessantly clicks her pen or constantly cracks her knuckles.
The Pontificator: Nothing’s a simple “yes” or “no.”
The Noisemaker: Whistling, tapping, sneezing, humming or performing some awful impression at all times.
The Copier:
Don’t worry about missing the latest hip catchphrase, you’ll hear it every time you run into him, usually accompanied by the ol’ finger pistols.
The Fish: Gives you the hated Limp Handshake and has the personality to match.
The Know It All: Puts in his 2 cents in all conversations, even if he’s not involved. And he’s always right, or else he’ll keep talking. So, just agree with him.
The Whiner: Spends the entire shift complainingabout co-workers, workload, management, corporate policies. Yet he’s worked there for years and probably will never, ever leave.
The Gossip: Always fanning the flames of office politics. Usually knows the latest scoopbut if not, makes it up
The Breather: Has perpetual bad breath and needs a mint especially after 2 p.m.
The Pre-Divorcee:
Has daily fights on phone, for all to hear, about the messy divorce he or she is going through.
The Smacker: Eats lunch at desk, very loudly.
Mr. TMI: Has no filter. I’m sorry you and your boyfriend had a fight, but I don’t need to hear you tell your best friend on the phone about it in detail.
The Is master of the universe, loudly announces huge plansbut gets nothing done.
The Looker: Male who rarely looks female colleagues in the eye, preferring instead the region south of the chin.
The Pseudo-Boss: You’re not the boss, and you have no power, so don’t tell me what to do.
The Cat Lady: The old woman with the terrible smoker’s cough whose desk is littered with tacky, plastic crap from area casinos. She spends her day telling stories about her magical cats and her gifted grandchildren.
The Y’ Know Girl: She talks incessantly about nothing but yet is very opinionated, punctuating every aggravating phrase with “Y’Know?”
The Echo: Thinks your idea sounds better coming out of her mouth. Known for stretching out brainstorming sessions to ridiculous lengths.
The Snitch: Loves to creep into your boss’ office to point out who is not changing the toner, isn’t pulling his weight on projects, or taking one too many personal calls.
The Yakker: Takes a seat in your cubicle and tells you about family vacations, new pets, latest diets and the details of his past six dentist appointments.
The Sniffer: The girl (or guy) with too much perfume/cologne.
The Forwarder: No matter how funny the e-mail joke from your brother-in-law is, no one in the office really cares.